I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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