Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
