he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize