he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
