I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
