she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
