On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
