$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
