He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
