I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
