I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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