Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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