I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
