im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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