Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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