oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
