so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
