I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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