I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
