he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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