I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
