Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
