My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
