considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
tell me about the eggs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
