so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I need moral support for this bender
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
