tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
not ubering you a puppy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
