there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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