oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
