a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
