And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Houston, we have a blender
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
