Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
