I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
