that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
