Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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