Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
