Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
