just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
