Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
