i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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