Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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