I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
