Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
