I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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