so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
