Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
