Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
