3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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