My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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