I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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