i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
