You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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