what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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