Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
