her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
