whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize