Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
