She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Barsexuality is the new black.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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