Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Randomize
