I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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