and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize