you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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