I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
