He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Such a big mess for such a small penis
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
