May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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