so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you will always have a special place in my vag
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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