When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
